~nineteen with new doc martins
like running clots of blood
drying with time
to black birds nests
the past and present collide sharply
violently
filled with old vomit and ripped journals
I said I never saw you as anything but a piece of paper,
burnt at the beach
brown at the edges-
chocked with seaweed- decaying
with the rolls of fat
too tall in the mirror
breasts made of rocks
the past frozen
unmoving
theaters filling endless tunnels of sandbar memories
filling up time with
timeless drugs
all to collapse at that
moment
when you looked and spoke
the blood was fresh
running
all over me and my life
I am still her
fuck you for making me see that
covered in sand and the joint we smoked on your birthday
that day with my new maroon doc martins
ripping off my shirt in a drunken haze of me trying not to
hurl on your large penis as I sucked it off for the
first time
in that fresh spurt of youth when these
things are new
and I don't really know what men like you are like
thinking this apparation of old buildings and fading candle street lights moments like these exist without the pills and alcohol and plays and words of the early thirties nineteen again and broken but not cracked enough.
now part adult
part pathetic
feeling small
like a woman
all I can think as you repeat
"you're married
you're married"
You saw that small
squishable pea I used to be
I want to you go away now
I don't know what I have become
or what my life is going to
decaying birds nest covered with drying blood
in a rotting theater
going nowhere
you rubbing it in at the edges with your paper lips
and paper heart
brittle sticks breaking all over my breakable life.
Submitted by "
The Invisible Monster"